Dating Scoop

Temptation: THINK Before Acting

2010-10-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

We all are tempted, but there's a big difference in the temptation to indulge in another bowl of ice cream and the temptation to cheat on a significant other. One is certainly far more destructive than the other.

It is my belief that the less clear our belief system is and the lower our self-esteem, the more we will give into temptation. If we don't lay clear boundaries for ourselves, we may very well cross a line that will cause great pain to ourselves and others.

Many opportunities will be presented in our lifetime that are tempting. You have to place firm your belief system, your values and think of the consequences before acting on the temptation. A body cannot do what the conscience doesn't allow.

When faced with a temptation, ask yourself what is the value in that temptation; what is the risk and consequences. THINK before acting upon temptation. When something is risky, but the temptation is intense, become more aware of your thoughts, your feelings. Don't allow temptation to control you. Control the temptation! The consequences are rarely worth the risk. It's your life. Don't create destruction to yourself or another person. Build a life based on a solid foundation of truth and honor.

What to Talk About on a First Date

2010-08-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

When dating, a good first impression means a good chance of a second date. Physical attraction is important to most, but what we say goes a long way in capturing and holding the other's attention. It's also just as important to listen to your date attentively.

A first date should be about getting to know each other on the surface and a little below, but not so deep there's no mystery left. Create a comfortable atmosphere that puts your date at ease.

Don't ask questions that are too personal or too controversial. Interaction shouldn't be one-sided, but a balance between two people. Know when to be the speaker and when to be the listener. Your mannerisms can be as important as what you say. Be polite, respectful and use manners.

MUSIC

Music is a wonderful topic and can be expanded upon. Most everyone likes music. Find out the genres your date likes. You can build on this by asking about specific bands, artists, songs and what interests them about each. I like to discuss interpretation of lyrics. That opens a broad line of communication.

PLACES

Discussing places you've lived or traveled to can be very interesting. You may find you've had similar experiences or vastly different experiences you can learn from. Ask details. Ask what they liked or disliked about places they've lived or traveled to. You can learn if they like cold or warm climates, a bustling city or simplistic country life or something in between.

MOVIES

Movies, old and new, can create a wealth of discussion from the type of movies each likes to specific actors. Maybe they prefer adventure or horror movies as opposed to romantic or comedy. This choice helps give an insight to the type of person your date is.

PETS

Ask if they have any pets. This gives a good idea of compatibility. If they hate cats and you have a dozen of them, you might have a problem. Their reaction will be quite telling. Some people can tolerate pets and there are those who cannot stand to be around them. Couples have broken up over issues such as this. Better to know early on.

FAVORITE FOOD

Everyone eats so this topic can't go wrong. Discussing the many types of food can lead to knowing if they like to eat out or prefer to eat at home and also if they enjoy cooking. You may find your date is such a good cook they could be a chef or they don't know how to boil an egg.

LEISURE TIME

Asking about what they do in their leisure time can give you an idea if they are more the couch potato type or the more adventurous. You'll be able to gauge if your interests are similar enough should a relationship evolve. You'll also learn how interested they are in what you like to do and how they react to your choices.

SIBLINGS

Asking about siblings shows an interest in family life, but doesn't get too personal. You'll learn if they have close family ties and experiences they have had with siblings. They may offer a glimpse into their childhood which can be fascinating.

SPORTS

Some people hate sports and some are fanatics. Again, this topic can offer a view of your compatibility level. A love for the same types of sports can draw people close together and certainly involve many interesting discussions.

WHAT NOT TO DO

* Don't talk about controversial subjects. This can lead to tension.
* Don't talk about your ex. This implies you still have loose ends.
* Don't talk about finances. This is too personal for a first date.
* Don't lie to impress. Lies come out eventually and you'll be seen as a fool.
* Don't have a wandering eye. Focus on your date. A wandering eye isn't respectful.

Remember...too much, too soon of anything has a tendency to make a bad impression. Go slow, be yourself and keep things simple! Focus on your date so they know you are genuinely interested.

Romantic Birthday Gift Ideas for Her

2010-06-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

A gift is more than an expression of love, but a measurement of how well you know your partner. A woman appreciates a man who has paid attention enough to know her likes and dislikes. Some women like extravagance and some are pleased with simplicity.

When choosing the ideal gift...

* Keep your partner's personality in mind
* Stay within your financial means
* Don't try to impress, but "express"

Fragrance

There are many options in choosing a scented gift from perfumes and lotions to body sprays or a combination gift basket. For a fresh scent, choose something with citrus, such as mandarin, lemon or lime. For floral, options include...jasmine, rose and gardenia. Floral scents are often combined to create a distinctive bouquet. Oriental is one of my favorites with scents of vanilla, patchouli or musk. Chypre is a woodsy and citrus blend and sure to please the outdoor type.

Candlelight Dinner

Plan a candlelight dinner. Send a formal invitation to your partner, with date, time and what type of attire will be appropriate. Leave some mystery as to what you are doing. Create a romantic ambiance with a pretty table cloth, candles, a bottle of her favorite wine or champagne and a romantic cd. Place a single red rose on the table. Prepare her favorite dishes. Dress up to show how special this occasion is and embrace her tightly as you slow dance to favorite songs.

Evening of Pampering

Create a gift basket with bubble bath, lotion, body spray, massage oil and a loofah. Include a bottle of champagne and scented candles. Strawberries dipped in chocolate will be a wonderful addition. Treat her to some ultimate pampering by running a bubble bath and pouring two glasses of champagne, one for each of you. After her bath, give a wonderful massage she'll never forget. Don't forget the feet. Your touch will have her purring.

Love Poem

Write a love poem. It doesn't have to be profound, but words that express how you feel. Print the poem on parchment paper, cut to fit and then insert into a pretty frame. This is a treasured and inexpensive gift, but one that keeps on giving.

Jewelry

Jewelry to a woman is a personal gift. Before deciding on what to get, pay attention to what she wears. Does she like gold, sterling silver, white gold or a combination? Is she more the dainty type or a bit more eclectic? For the dainty type a simple, yet elegant necklace or bracelet will be appreciated. For the more eclectic, chunky necklaces or bracelets work well. Indian jewelry is unique and offers a beautiful variety of necklaces, bracelets, rings and earrings.

Travel

If expense isn't an issue, take her to a place she's always dreamed of. This takes planning as you need to make sure her schedule allows time off. Print pictures of the place you are taking her and present it in a gift box with a personal note about how you want to fulfill this dream.

If money is lacking, the splendor of you with a bow tied around your neck will be quite memorable. The best gift is your heart and your time offered to the one you love.

10 Things that Will Make Your Guy Smile

2010-01-27T18:05:00.000-08:00

1. Be genuinely enthusiastic about being with him. Knowing you are there because you want to be, makes a big difference.

2. Look at him through the eyes of love, not criticism. Nobody likes to be nagged or criticized constantly. Always remember the reason you fell in love with him and all of his good qualities.

3. Be his friend as well as his lover.

4. Listen attentively - communicate constructively

5. Take interest in his interests. This doesn't mean you always have to participate, but have the desire to know more about him. Don't let his interests form a wedge between the two of you. Let it be something that brings you closer together.

6. Pamper - a long, sensual massage most always brings a smile

7. Cook his favorite meal

8. Understand that sometimes he needs space

9. Be respectful, encouraging, supportive and understanding. Be the one that builds him up, not cuts him to shreds.

10. Never give him reason to doubt your love or loyalty to him

Fear of Commitment

2009-11-10T18:19:00.000-08:00

Reasons behind the fear of commitment for men and women can be different, but the results are the same. Fear of commitment often ends a relationship or puts a dense wall between two people - sometimes between life itself. Commitment to one person is a serious thing. It shouldn't be taken lightly and should always be made for the right reasons.

Why Men Fear Commitment

Most men who fear commitment don't want to lose their freedom. Men like to go out with their buddies or do their own thing without having to feel they need permission to do so. They don't want to lose their personal space or have a partner who puts demands on them. They also question if they will be able to make a commitment to having only one sex partner. Some have been burned by females who were gold diggers and they don't want to take the chance of giving up their hard earned money and assets for someone who may be using them. Some have been cheated on and left by their wives and in the process of divorce, lost custody of their children. Crossing over from bachelorhood to committing to one person can cause fear of the unknown, fear of history repeating itself or make a man feel trapped.

Why Women Fear Commitment

Women usually fear commitment because they've been burned numerous times. They've been played. They've been cheated on and lose trust that any man will be trustworthy and remain faithful. They've heard the pretty words and felt the tender touch only to find out the man was using her or bailed out to see if the grass was greener on the other side. Some have been very devoted wives, yet their husband cheated and bailed out, resulting in divorce. The woman's life is totally uprooted, forcing her to start anew and often very unprepared for what lies ahead. She's tired of getting her heart ripped out. She fears another sad and painful story will write itself if she commits once again.

How to Deal with the Fear

There are many people who are still single, afraid of commitment, yet are very lonely. They resist commitment because of their fears. These fears come from different places...from actual experience or from ingrained fears early in life. Emotional patterns begin in childhood and the fear of commitment is about unresolved issues residing within, more than experiences they've had with the opposite sex. These are usually deep-seated fears that don't just affect relationships, but probably most other decisions made in life. The core fear issues need to be looked into and resolved before a person is able to commit freely. Fear of failure, rejection and loss is usually at the core. If fears are ingrained, you need to fix yourself first before you'll be able to commit. You need to rid yourself of the hauntings from the past in order to open yourself completely to love and trust.

If your fears are from experiences...change your attitude! Being committed isn't taking your options away. It provides you with new and different options. It's offering options that are long lasting and filled with substance. It's much better to wake up to the same person each day, knowing they love you than to walk aimlessly through life trying to get another date that may lead nowhere. There's a catch! You have to find the right person in order for your investment to overshadow your fear. Not everyone will use you. Not everyone wants your money. Not everyone will cheat and leave. You have to move slowly in a relationship, get to know the person very well and instill the utmost trust. Commitment can be beautiful!

Never sabotage your relationship and use tactics to make your partner want to break up because of "your" fear. Never just bail out without explanation because of your fear. This causes an intense pain for your partner and takes a long time to heal from. They are left confused, angry and sad because they can't understand why you left all of a sudden without explanation - especially when you gave them reason to believe you were serious about the relationship.

If you are in a relationship and fear commitment, realize you need to deal with the fear or your relationship will either end or remain stagnant. Talk openly with your partner about your fears. Seek spiritual or professional guidance, if needed. Realize, you only have one life to live and cannot live it fully as long as fear is holding you back. Release your fears and find deeper meaning in life and love.

You may also like to read:

Dating the Wrong Type for You

How to Get Over Your Ex

2009-07-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

In dreams, you still hear their voice and trace the contour of their smile. With morning's wake, you realize they are gone. The pain is deeply embedded to the point you wonder if you'll ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. The hole in your heart "can" and "will" mend.

Losing someone you care for is never easy, no matter your age. You may feel no one can ever replace them, but this is your emotions talking. Logically, this is not true. Time helps fade the pain, but it's what you do in this time that makes a difference. Everyone heals at their own pace. Don't feel like a failure because you are healing slowly, but it's necessary to accept that the relationship is over. You need to take steps to help yourself.

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS

Your feelings are real. Allow yourself time to cry, to grieve, but don't get stuck in this mode until it consumes you. When you find yourself crying for long periods, say STOP and distract yourself with something positive. Go for a walk. Walk your dog. Do whatever it takes to give yourself a breather. Some people heal slower than others. This does not mean you are a loser.

Talk to a trusted friend. Don't bottle up your feelings or it will intensify the pain and can be damaging to your emotional and physical health. Tell your friend you are hurting and need to vent, but don't take advantage by taking up their every moment. Write poetry or keep a journal to express every last drop of what you feel. Looking back, you'll see how far you've come. Write letters, saying what you never got to say to your ex and then burn them as a closing ritual.

DON'T ISOLATE YOURSELF

Keep in contact with friends or renew friendships you may have put on the back burner, while in the relationship. Even though you may not feel like it, do something fun or involve yourself in more activities than usual. Try something new that you've always wanted to do. Have a slumber party with your friends, be silly and dance the night away! Put your energy into something positive and productive. Don't let your work or academics suffer. Reach out to others, which takes the focus off of yourself. Volunteer work is a wonderful way to be part of the world again.

EMBRACE

This is the time to be more aware of all of your wonderful qualities. Think of all the accomplishments you've made, the people who love you, the person you are and all you have to offer. You were valuable before you entered this last relationship and you still hold the same value. Embrace this and know you will find someone very special that will appreciate your worth. Don't allow this break-up to steal your value or self-esteem.

TAKE CARE AND PAMPER

It's vital to take care of yourself while you are healing. You may not have much of an appetite, but try your best to eat healthy food and get adequate exercise. Without proper nutrition, you will feel drained even more. Pamper yourself with your favorite indulgences. If you feel unusually depressed or can't get out of this rut, talk to your parents or guidance counselor and don't be afraid to seek professional help.

DON'T

Don't get involved in a new relationship until you have healed. It isn't a quick fix and often leads to failure. You don't need to prove yourself or be with someone to be somebody. Someone out there is waiting for you, but it's necessary to clear the past in order to move into the future.

Life is a journey. Sometimes it's filled with pain and sometimes your cup is overflowing with joy. Set the past free and you set yourself free. Envision a beautiful new beginning!

Dating: Always Be Truthful

2009-07-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

1. Don't set yourself up for failure by being someone you aren't. Trying to falsely impress a date will backfire eventually.

2. Don't lie! Be truthful about your age, your marital status or any other information that's necessary to form a trusting bond with someone you are interested in enough to date. They deserve the full truth of who you are.

3. Be truthful, but leave some mystery. Don't disclose everything about yourself so early on. Let the "getting to know you" stage of dating, evolve slowly and naturally.

You may also like to read:

How to Know if the Person You are Dating is Trustworthy

Advantages/Disadvantages of Meeting on Dating Sites

2009-07-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

Meeting people through online dating sites has gained popularity. People use online dating venues for various reasons. Some have exhausted the usual means of meeting others and some have very busy lives and find online sites to be convenient. For some, it's a matter of curiosity.

Advantages:

Meeting people online means connecting with a wider variety in a quicker amount of time.

You can browse people in your town or within any proximity you choose.

You can find people with the same interests, the same dating goals and other personal preferences.

You can go at the pace you choose by corresponding through email, private messages or phone before meeting in person.

For those that are tired of the bar scene, online dating offers a unique way of meeting people you otherwise may never meet.

Disadvantages:

It's easy to be anyone you want to be online. Some people are truthful, while some tell blatant lies and even use someone else's photos.

Online dating can be competitive. Often you have to stand out from the rest in order to maintain regular correspondence enough to make that first meeting. If you don't catch their interest, they will move on to the next.

You may have to go through several matches before you find someone who you are compatible with - even then, some are lax in maintaining online contact.

Overall:

Online dating can work if you use patience, caution and know what you want going in.

You may also like to read:

How to Not Get Rejected When Meeting Women Online

How to Apologize Appropriately

2009-05-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes an apology comes across as nothing but an excuse for one's behavior and sometimes the apology is heart-felt. If an excuse is added with the apology, wouldn't that cancel out the apology all together?

There are only a few words in this quote, but a much deeper meaning... "Never ruin an apology with an excuse." - Kimberly Johnson.

It takes courage and character to apologize, but when you do, it should come from the right place. Part of apologizing is taking accountability for what you have done that hurt or angered another person. Acknowledge what you have done. You may not be totally to blame in the situation, but take responsibility for your part.

It's ok and even important, in some cases, to explain what you did that warrants an apology, but it shouldn't come across as an excuse. An explanation of truth is different than an excuse that isn't in alignment with you saying you want to apologize.

An authentic apology means you are genuinely sorry for causing another pain, whether intentional or unintentional. You should give the person you are apologizing to, the chance to express their feelings, as you listen attentively and try to understand. You may not even see things in the same way, but this is about making amends and correcting a situation and letting each other know you care enough to make things right.

Timing can make the difference. Sometimes you need to wait until the situation has cooled down to make an apology. If the situation is heated up and harsh words are being slung back and forth, an apology will unlikely be heard.

Be true to your word. When you apologize make a commitment to your word and follow through. A genuine apology isn't just momentary words, but a commitment to resolve not to do the same thing again.

Some apologies will never be accepted, but that's something the other person has to deal with. You cannot control what someone else will accept, but you can control taking accountability for your own actions.

Break Up Articles

2008-11-26T09:04:00.000-08:00

How to Convince Your Partner Not to Breakup
Dealing with Regret after a Breakup

Articles

2008-11-20T10:23:00.000-08:00

Is Your Partner the Marrying Type or a Commitment Phobe
Planning a Honeymoon Destination
Choosing a Photographer for Your Wedding

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2008-11-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

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How Do You Tell Someone You Love Them

2008-10-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

You may have been dating for quite a while and realize you love the person you are in a relationship with. Even though you are sure you love this person, you may be confused as to how to tell them. How do you tell someone you love them?

First, be sure it's love and not just infatuation. Ask yourself how real your feelings are before expressing them to someone else. The last thing you want to do is tell someone you love them when deep down you really don't. It would hurt to have to take your words back.

If you know for sure you love this person, gauge their interest in you. Do they behave in a way that says they love you as well? Have you been together long enough for it to be appropriate to say 'I love you"? Two weeks certainly isn't enough, but six months may very well be. The appropriate time can vary. But, it's important not to rush those words.

Now for the part about how to tell someone you love them. Don't do it when your significant other has had a bad day or is in a bad mood. Their reaction may be based on their day or their mood and not be based on how they really feel. You can tell a person you love them simply by looking them in the eyes and saying "I love you". Or you could say it in a pretty card if you feel a bit intimidated. Poems are also good to express your feelings. Even leaving a note under their pillow is a fun idea. My suggestion is to keep it simple in whatever way you choose.

The most important thing about saying 'I love you' to someone is knowing you mean it. You may or may not get the reaction you want, but keep in mind, your significant other may need some time to absorb your words and get the courage to say them back. Be patient. Love is patient and kind.

Why It's Important to Establish Firm Boundaries in Dating Relationships

2008-09-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever found yourself being indecisive about who to date, who to continue dating and why or why not? Maybe it's because you haven't established clear and firm boundaries. A boundary is something you decide for yourself. No one else decides your boundaries. Your decisions should be based on those boundaries. Why is it important to establish firm boundaries in dating relationships?

Click here to read more on this article:

Why It's Important to Establish Firm Boundaries in Dating Relationships

From Dating to Marriage, Successfully

2008-08-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

Dating and marriage have similarities, but can be miles apart. It's easy to spend time with someone a few days a week, but are you prepared to spend the rest of your life with that person?

While dating, a lot of time is spent having fun, often in surrounds of the external - movies, dining out, adventurous travel, etc. This can blind some to the reality of marriage and sometimes to the reality of who their partner really is.

You can have fun with a lot of people, but who will be by your side in the face of adversity? Marriage can easily include fun, but it also involves the reality of bills, illness, household chores, personal habits and a deeper and lasting commitment. If this is the right person, you won't feel you are settling, but are enhancing your life. A successful marriage is built on a solid foundation. If you don't have a solid foundation while dating, the chance for a successful marriage is slim.

Tips for success:

The best relationship starts with the one you have with yourself. Be the best "you" before entering a marriage.

It's crucial to go slow and get to know the person very well before saying "I do". Your investment in this time will pay off. It takes more than loving someone to have a successful marriage, but genuinely liking the person.

Clearly know why you have the desire to marry this person. Marrying for the wrong reasons will eventually backfire. Don't confuse lust with love. Lust is about you. Love is about the other person and unfolding yourself to another. Don't marry for the thrill of a wedding. The wedding only lasts for a day. Marriage should be for a lifetime.

Communicate openly and honestly. Build your relationship based on transparency, so there are no doubts, nor distrust. Be an open book to your partner. Know when to listen and know when to talk.

Know your partner's expectations, their belief system, what they accept and will not accept within a marriage. Make your needs and wants well known.

Put your relationship first. Don't allow outsiders, outside interests or work to take priority. Make sure your partner knows they are number one in your life.

Don't make your partner feel trapped by being too clingy. Allow personal space and have your own interests and respect that they will have theirs. Togetherness is beautiful, but we all need space at times.

Treat your partner with respect and kindness. Acknowledge the qualities that makes them who you fell in love with. Be supportive and encouraging, building them up. Be by their side as a shelter when they fall.

Make time for each other, no matter how chaotic life sometimes gets. Don't take each other for granted.

Create the type of relationship you want. Make a commitment to making it last.

Realize that no one is perfect, but someone can be perfect for you. If this is the right person for you, every fiber in your being will resound YES!

Can You Trust the Person You are Dating?

2008-08-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

When you first meet someone and then while dating, you may hear words that sound right, but the person's actions don't seem quite right. As they say, "actions speak louder than words". This often proves to be true. How do you know if you can trust the person you are dating?

If something feels off, it usually is. You may hear words that make your heart flutter with joy, but unless actions back up those words, they don't hold much meaning. A person who is trustworthy is consistent in their words and actions. If they are truly interested in you, they will do everything to instill trust.

If someone you are dating cares, they show it. If someone is trustworthy, they show it in their words as well as their actions. If you often feel the need to turn to friends because the person you are dating isn't supportive or encouraging, this is a red flag. While they are saying they care about you, you are having to go elsewhere when you need support.

How would the person you are dating act if you get seriously involved? Would you constantly have to seek support elsewhere? Would you eventually feel drained because of not seeing action behind of their words? Would you tire of hearing endless promises that always fall through?

Maybe you find yourself always waiting by the phone for the call that never comes when it's supposed to. Or maybe your date is always talking about things you two will do together, but it never happens. You may even wonder why you are dating this person at all because you become more and more disappointed.

You may hear the words that they care. They may say everything you've ever wanted to hear, but...how well do they follow through with those words?

Some people use words very loosely. It can become a habit without much meaning behind of the words. Hearing the words you want to hear, but not seeing them backed up with action, can leave you feeling quite empty in the long run.

You may also enjoy reading the following:

Defining the Meaning of Attached or Unattached

Is the Person in Your Life too Self-Focused?

2008-08-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

Are you beginning to wonder if someone in your life is too self-focused? Do you see a me, me, me attitude in them most of the time? This type of person can be draining. You often feel empty around them because you feel the relationship is one-sided. You may even wonder if they know you or anyone else exists.

Click below to read an article about 10 ways to know if someone in your life is too self-focused. There's a little humor in the article, which makes it enjoyable to read. Still, there's a lot of truth in it!

10 Ways to Tell if Someone is Overly Self-Focused

Can You Change Other People?

2008-08-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

You may have a situation where you clearly see someone else needs to make changes in themselves and/or their lifestyle. The changes needed, would help the individual and those around them.

Is it possible to change other people?

To read a detailed article about changing other people click below:

Can You Change Other People?

Are All Blind Dates a Nightmare?

2008-06-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

Most everyone has went out on a blind date once in their lifetime or at least been offered a blind date. There have been horror stories about blind dates, but maybe that's just the individual's perception and high expectations. Does every blind date have to turn into a nightmare?

The term "blind date" has a connotation of desperation to it, but it doesn't have to be that way - this person may actually be nice to spend time with, even if there isn't potential for a relationship.

It would be a hard call to say all blind dates are about going out with someone who has a bad problem. When one hears the term blind date they may conjure up thoughts of a physically unattractive person, a person with a mental or social problem, a person who may turn out to be a drug addict, a person who cannot get a date themselves or any issue that may cause someone to fall into the blind date category.

Blind dates don't always have to turn into a horrible experience, however. There are different levels of individual traits in any and all individuals that serve to attract a member of the opposite sex. We may find someone whom we think on the outside is quite an attractive person, but they come across as intellectually boring or self-centered and boorish or even disrespectful and rude.

You might find a plain looking person aesthetically appealing - to a point, and they turn out to have an amazing personality or they have a generous heart and a kind spirit.

It may be, that a lot of "introverted" people are well-suited to the "blind date" scenario. The wall-flowers or the fringe dwellers who have trouble meeting people on their own may appreciate someone playing matchmaker.

Blind dates are usually arranged through well-meaning friends or so we would like to think. It has been known for people to arrange a blind date between two people as a "practical joke".

If you find yourself in a blind date situation, try to arrange to have "the date" in the company of your friends and/or at a very busy venue. Ask yourself...can you trust your source, the person who is fixing you up on a blind date? If so, it's worth giving it a try.

Even though you may not be compatible with your blind date, you might have an enjoyable time with a new person and open yourself to a new experience. Many people have ended up saying "I do" from the results of a blind date and a trusted matchmaker.

How Do You Maintain a Good Relationship?

2008-06-06T11:42:00.000-07:00

You meet someone new. You date and begin a relationship. This person has become special to you and you want to maintain a good and healthy relationship. How do you do that?

To maintain a good relationship while dating, it takes genuine caring, trust, respect, effective communication and consideration of each other's feelings and above all...fidelity.

Enjoy each other's company and participate in mutual areas of interests - like going to the movies, sporting events or just meeting up for coffee and a chat after work. The time you spend together should be more important than what you do, but it's nice to do things that each enjoys.

Try to be each other's best friend. Dating is about having fun, but more importantly - getting to know each other well and finding out if you really want to take this relationship any further.

Be supportive of each other's issues and address them properly with empathy and understanding. Be there for your partner when life gets a wee bit too much for them. Be a shoulder to cry on should they need it. That's what best friends do and if you have to go to your friends "instead" of your partner, there is something wrong with your relationship. You should feel secure in speaking freely to your partner. If not, you should find out why before getting deeply involved.

Interact with each other's friends occasionally. Hang out together in a group - go to concerts, go to the beach, visit a zoo or church functions. There are so many things you can do together as a group or as a couple. Hanging out with friends can give you more of an insight of how well your partner interacts in different situations and with different people.

Don't take each other for granted and respect each other's right to privacy when needed. We all need personal space and it isn't a personal attack. It's just a matter of a personal and usually, an occasional need.

Life has its ups and downs and so do relationships. Be supportive of one another. Encourage and help build up your partner. Never cut them down or make them feel lesser than they are. That only causes negative feelings and a gap to grow wider in your relationship before it barely begins.

We all have families that care about us. Make a point of "meeting the parents" when the time is right. Make a point of interacting with both your families on a regular basis. Neither should try to alienate each other's family in any way. Show them the respect they deserve.

Girlfriends and boyfriends may come and go. Your family will always be there and will see you through both good and bad times. Families usually pull together in times of distress. A healthy and appropriate relationship will offer you the same if you are with the right person and take the right steps in maintaining a good and healthy relationship.

Troubled Relationship Articles

2008-04-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut
Emotional Abuse
Is Your Relationship Based on Love or Dependency

No Picture Posted: Should You Meet?

2008-02-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

It's always nice to match a face with a person we are getting to know through text, but I can see some valid reasons for some not posting a picture, publicly. Having a profile and a picture posted publicly can be intimidating and especially if one is in the public eye. A degree of anonymity can decrease the intimidation and especially for someone who is new to online dating.

On the flip side...the lack of a picture can cause a degree of distrust from other people. Lack of a picture can imply that they are hiding something. Sometimes this proves to be true, but certainly not in all cases. Also, there are those who have a certain physical criteria they are seeking and a picture becomes more important.

In deciding whether to meet someone without a picture, I would look at all aspects. What have they disclosed? Have they hidden other things about themselves? Do you know enough about them for there to be a comfort level? If they have a valid reason for not posting a picture, but otherwise are very open and seemingly honest, I might agree to meet. I have a rule not to meet anyone unless phone conversations have taken place, first. If a person doesn't have a picture posted and refuses to talk on the phone, I would see this as a red flag.

Online dating can work, with or without a picture, but we have to be cautious. Ask yourself...does this person have a valid reason for not posting a picture? Are there red flags about this person in addition to them not posting a picture. Are they willing to send one through private message or email? Don't rule the faceless out, but don't be blind to any red flags that may exist.

Inexpensive, but Enjoyable Date Ideas

2008-02-22T14:36:00.000-08:00

Ideas for those who have went past the first dates...

Movie Marathon

Watch movies at home. Each can choose a movie of their choice. Enjoy some popcorn and other refreshments. After the movies, create a dialog about what you thought of the movie, the actors, etc. A comfy atmosphere, yet intellectually engaging.

Hiking

Find an area you've never been to before and create a hiking adventure. Take along plenty of water, trail mix and fresh fruit. Don't forget the blanket so you can take a break and enjoy some good conversation in the midst of nature.

Dining In

Plan and cook a meal together. One can take care of the entree and the other, the side dishes and dessert. After dinner, take a nice long walk.

Scenery

Drive to a scenic area, something serene like the beach, the countryside or a cozy lake and take lots of photographs.

Free Entertainment

Check your paper under the local entertainment section. You may find a free concert, a theatre play or sporting event.

Should a 30 year old Date an 18 year old?

2008-01-30T12:29:00.000-08:00

I don't put a lot of emphasis on age gaps, but I do believe there are ages when a large gap will not work well. I feel it depends on what the lower age is.

At 18, the person may feel very grown up. They may be mature "for their age". They are legally considered an adult. At 18, I felt pretty grown up. In retrospect, I see how much more I needed to learn and experience to reach the level of maturity, to make better decisions for my life and especially in a partner.

A 30 year old has experienced more and should, by this age, have gained maturity and wisdom that they didn't possess at 18. They are more established and probably seeking a relationship of a different nature than an 18 year old.

What I have a problem with is the 30 year old that deliberately seeks the 18 year old. I question...what are they looking for in an 18 year old. Is it about a younger body? Does the 30 year old not feel comfortable in his/her age group? Do they not have the maturity and experience in order to relate to those in their age group? Why is their focus on someone so much younger? - "focus" being the operative word.

If a 30 year old meets an 18 year old by chance and they are well suited to each other, I see it a bit differently. Still, I don't feel that the average 30 year old and 18 year old are at the same place in life for dating to work.

Synopsis: I'm suspicious of a 30 year old who "deliberately" seeks an 18 year old. On the flip side...I can't say that it's always wrong. It depends on the two people involved, their intentions and compatibility.

Forgiveness

2008-01-30T12:21:00.002-08:00

Sometimes the hurt one inflicts upon another is deliberate. Sometimes it's unintentional. Either way, the pain can be deep and haunting. We can become consumed by this pain, the resentment, the anger and forgiveness doesn't even seem to be an option - but, it is. Forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness is something you do for your emotional well-being. The pain, anger, resentment and unwillingness to forgive, damages you. It rarely damages the person that inflicted the pain, but as long as you hold on to the ugly and destructive feelings, they have control.

Forgiveness isn't about "accepting" what someone has done to you, but about not allowing them to continue to have power over you; it's about letting go; about freeing yourself.

Steps to help you forgive:

* Assess your feelings. What are you feeling? Are your feelings proportionate to what has been done to you or are they exaggerated?

* Gain objective perspective to the situation/person that caused you pain. Don't dramatize the situation. Be realistic.

* Talk to a trusted friend about your feelings or write in a journal, if it helps you gain clarity to the situation.

* If possible and appropriate, talk to the person who has wronged you so they clearly understand your side.

* Try to understand where the other person is coming from. You don't have to agree, but you might learn more about why they wronged you.

* Do what it takes to close this chapter. Ask yourself what it will take for you to put this behind you, but without causing further damage. It may be letting the other person know how much they hurt you, purging your last drop of pain. It may be writing a letter, releasing all your thoughts and feelings and then burning the letter. Do what it takes to gain closure, but without revenge, malice and without doing something you'll later regret.

As humans, we all falter. We need to learn how to forgive others; to forgive ourselves as God forgives us and move away from the toxins of unforgivingness.

Have You Become a Doormat?

2008-01-30T12:18:00.000-08:00

Is there such a thing as being too nice? It depends. If you are trying to please people to the point you let them walk all over you, you probably are being too nice. Not nice in the general sense, but coming across as someone who can be taken advantage of.

We should be nice to others and treat them as we want to be treated. Most everyone wants to be well-liked, but it can go to the extreme. You can't sacrifice self-worth and self-respect by becoming a doormat. There's a difference in being genuinely nice and being too nice to the point of damaging yourself.

Some signs to look for:

If you always put the needs of others before yourself, you may be too nice. It's wonderful to care about others, but if you are afraid you won't be liked because you don't comply with the wishes of others, you will probably be taken advantage of easily. People see through this vulnerability.

Do you find yourself feeling obligated to do for others because you are afraid they will get mad? Do you go out of your way to put your life on hold in order to cater to others, so much that you may cancel appointments or never have time for yourself?

If you have difficulty setting boundaries that are beneficial to yourself, you may be too nice. You may be seen as a pushover that will do anything to please others. In life, boundaries are important. It keeps us from stepping over the line and keeps others from pushing us down. Setting boundaries shows self-respect.

If you find yourself frequently disappointed because you aren't getting back nearly as much as you give, you may too nice to the point that you're sabotaging getting your needs met. Your needs are as important as anyone else's. It's important to speak out and let your feelings be known. Otherwise, people never see who you really are and you are left with a very empty feeling.

Do you find yourself being intimidated by stating your opinion? Are you afraid if you disagree with someone, you won't be liked? Restricting who you are, your feelings and thoughts isn't being nice to yourself. You'll lose yourself in the shuffle of trying to conform to what others want.

Some people give in to sex before they are ready or even with someone they know is wrong for them because they want to be liked. There can be dire consequences with this decision. You aren't being nice, by giving this intimate part of yourself away, to someone who may dump you after they get what they want. If they don't stick around if you don't give in to sex, count it a blessing. You deserve better! But, you have to believe in your worth.

Being "too nice" is often derived from low self-esteem. You want to please so that you will be liked. This backfires! You need to believe in your worth and build yourself up so that you can stand alone on who you are, not what you do for everyone. Being nice is a great characteristic, but make sure the motivation behind of it comes from a healthy place. Being nice should be part of who you are, your character and not a "performance" in order to be liked.

Taking a Breather from Dating

2008-01-18T14:40:00.002-08:00

If you've been dating a while and find yourself drained, don't be afraid to take a breather. Don't feel pressured by friends and family to date. You may need this time to replenish and think about what you really want. There's nothing wrong with that and the time to yourself may better prepare you for dating with a renewed outlook when you are ready.

Rejection in the Dating World

2008-01-18T14:40:00.001-08:00

Rejection in the dating game can hurt and also decrease your confidence. But, remember...we aren't for everyone and everyone isn't for us. Use rejection as an opportunity to look at yourself closely and see if there's room for improvement. Maybe you are great, but the other person simply is looking for something different. Don't let rejection keep you from trying again. Embrace who you are and show confidence in having something wonderful to offer. The right person will come along and recognize what a great catch you are!

Is he right for me? Something Seems Off!

2008-01-18T14:32:00.000-08:00

Jillian asks...

I met a guy a couple months ago and sometimes I feel he isn't right for me. We hang out quite a bit and I enjoy being with him at times. Something just seems OFF! How can I tell if he's a loser or if it's my imagination?

Jillian, here are some tips that will hopefully help you tell if your boyfriend is a loser...

One of the first signs to look at, to determine if your boyfriend is a loser, is to examine your reactions by being with him. Are you constantly on edge? Afraid to be yourself? Have you developed anxiety or physical symptoms since being with him? Do you feel used or feel the relationship is one-sided? Do you often feel the need to escape, but aren't sure why? Maybe your boyfriend is a loser and toxic to your life, your well-being.

Some signs to look for:

1. Did he attach himself very soon? Losers often attach themselves early on and have no idea how to "develop" healthy relationships. The loser wants something quick and often gets out of the relationship just as quickly, when they find someone else that suits their agenda, better. While their words may appear they are committed, they don't have the emotional maturity to commit.

2. Does he make fun of you and pass it off as "just a joke"? Losers like to feel superior by cutting others down. Someone that truly loves you and is emotionally healthy, won't feel the need to cut you or anyone else down.

3. Does he try to isolate you? A loser wants you for his own and doesn't want anyone or anything getting in the way of his needs. His focus is on his needs, not your happiness.

4. Would he rather collect a government check or unemployment instead of working? Very well might be a sign of a mooch - someone that doesn't take pride in earning what they receive. He'll mooch off of you as long as you allow it.

5. Does he refuse to meet your friends or family? That isn't fair to you. He'll drive a wedge between you and those you love and that's his purpose. He doesn't want anyone to interfere. A good partner wants to be part of your life, not separate you from the life you've always known.

6. Is his idea of quality entertainment in the form of drugs or alcohol? A loser often uses these crutches because they've never learned how to enjoy life without them. He'll be married to the bottle or drugs long before he's married to you.

7. Does he blame you, the world for everything that goes wrong in his life? He can't accept responsibility and it's easier to lay the blame elsewhere instead of looking in the mirror to see his own reflection.

8. Does he always have to have his way and never willing to negotiate? This doesn't make a good partner and you'll always be short-changed. He'll keep gaining while you keep losing until you are drained.

9. Does he spend more time on the computer or other activities than he spends with you? A loser doesn't place you first. His priority will be elsewhere and you'll always feel 2nd best, if that.

10. Does he make promises he doesn't keep? Of course he does because he's a loser and rarely backs up his words with action. Honesty isn't part of his vocabulary because his life is built around deceit, manipulation and his wants and needs.

11. Does he put other women's physical appearance on a pedestal while making you feel like the ugliest person in the world? He lives in a fantasy world and probably couldn't get any of the women he talks about, but in the process doesn't cherish what he has - YOU! He thinks the grass is greener on the other side and often steps to that other side while leaving you behind.

12. Do you find yourself turning to friends or family when in need of support? A boyfriend should be there for you, but a loser is the last person you feel comfortable going to when you need support, comfort and understanding. He doesn't know how to give. He takes.

13. Is he secretive? Does he hide his going-ons from you or do you catch him in lies? An emotionally healthy and honest person doesn't feel the need to hide things and especially from someone they are in a relationship with. They are an open book, transparent, so that the relationship, your feelings towards him, are built on truth, not a lie.

14. Does he often compare you to his mother or other females that he's been involved with? Do you often hear comments that your cooking or whatever is never as good as his mother's? Do you hear that his ex-girlfriends were better at everything than you are? Maybe he needs to go back to his mother or his ex's. He's with you and that should be his focus. A loser often lives in the past so much that he doesn't allow himself or you to live in the present.

If your boyfriend is a loser, think hard about why you allow yourself to settle for someone who brings so little into your life when you could have someone that greatly enhances your life

Advice for the Bitter Single Girl

2008-01-13T15:41:00.001-08:00

Certain experiences in relationships can leave us bitter, but stewing in that bitterness doesn't bring forth anything positive - we simply keep stewing until we scorch ourselves.

We've all been burned in one way or another. It happens. It hurts! But, in the end, we hurt ourselves more by harboring the bitterness. We deny ourselves by not opening up to new possibilities. We end up building a wall so dense that no one can penetrate. That's no way to go through life.

We should use our experiences to learn from. Ask yourself what happened in the relationship that caused it to end. Look at your side and be truthful about anything negative you may have contributed. Look closely at what drew you to this other person. Maybe there are patterns of being drawn to a certain type, the type that isn't good for you.

Once bitterness takes root, it can grow into a tangly weed that taints everything and everyone around us. Bitterness can have an impact on our health, our emotions - everything about us. We can't control the thoughts or actions of others, but we can control our own.

Bitterness is about what has already happened. Change your course and let go of the bitterness so that you can be open to the beauty that is right around the corner.

You may also like to read:

Ways for Women to Build Self-Esteem

Guys: How to Tell if She's Not Interested

2008-01-13T15:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the signs of disinterest are blatant and sometimes they are vague. If you're meeting someone for the first time and getting mixed signals, the woman may simply be nervous. In that case, you need more time to gauge her interest.

If you've known her a good while and are confused as to her interest in you, analyze how she acts and reacts around you.

Some signs to look for:

1. She doesn't look you directly in the eyes. When we want to know someone more intimately, we strive to maintain eye contact. It's like looking into the depth of the other person, searching for more of them.

2. She doesn't engage in conversation. She's aloof to what is being discussed and doesn't offer much to the conversation. You begin to feel you are talking to a brick wall.

3. She doesn't ask questions about you, your life. Anything she knows, you've had to offer the information. Sharing what is happening in your life, your interests begins to feel futile in your attempts.

4. She only wants to be with you when it benefits her. Otherwise, she makes no effort to be part of your life.

5. Her body language is stiff, not open to you. When a woman is interested, her body language is warm and welcoming. She stands in close proximity to you, wanting to be near.

6. She suddenly becomes busier than usual. She makes excuses not to be with you and most of the excuses are rather lame. Her time devoted to you becomes less frequent. She may not answer her phone for days.

7. She shows no enthusiasm in your presence. You sense she would rather be anywhere but with you. She may act aloof or bored and easily distracted away from you.

8. She doesn't confide in you. Her life is a mystery and she isn't willing to let you in.

9. She lies. Someone who is genuinely interested wants to be seen as honest and trustworthy. She doesn't want to take the chance of losing you.

10. She's argumentative, disagreeing with you about everything. She may start arguments over the most trivial of things and possibly placing blame on you when it isn't justified.

If the woman is new to your life, give it some time to know her better. If you've known her a good while, it's time for a heart to heart discussion to get to the bottom of the matter, as to why she's suddenly sending signals of disinterest.

Dating an Addict: The Emotional Pain

2008-01-13T13:54:00.001-08:00

The mental and may I add, emotional pain, associated with dating an addict can be very difficult. Their disease can become your disease, but of a different nature. You may become drained and very empty within this cycle of chaos. Dating an addict affects your well-being. Your quality of life will be affected.

The addict can put you, everyone around them and themselves in chaos from losing their job, to spending large amounts of money on the substance of choice, to being cruel and abusive. It's painful to witness someone you love, destroying themselves when you know they have options, they have resources for help. It's so tempting to want to help the addict, but no one can help them until they have the desire to be helped. You cannot be their "fix".

With an addict, often comes lies, deceit, possibly stealing. How can a relationship be healthy when these elements are involved? It can't! You wake up each day not knowing what the day will hold. Will the addict choose to "use" or will you have refuge for a slight moment. You often go to events by yourself or feel very lonely. Your life becomes so unpredictable that you wonder if you have a life at all.

The addict consumes the relationship. You walk on eggshells in hopes of not doing anything to cause them to turn to their addiction. You don't cause this. They are an addict, but still...you walk on eggshells. You no longer have a mind of your own because you're afraid of speaking out and "rocking the boat". You hold your feelings inside as if you don't deserve to be heard. Life becomes one-dimensional - toward the addict and their addiction.

If you are enabling the addict, you're hurting them and yourself. Don't let the addict's disease become your disease. Don't ignore the reality of what you see before your eyes. Seek help for yourself. If the addict refuses to seek help, think hard about ending the relationship. You deserve better than to be pulled down with them!

Are You Abusive in Your Relationship?

2008-01-13T13:40:00.003-08:00

It's difficult to face the "mirror" when you think there's a possibility you may be abusive. Abuse isn't always blatant...such as beating someone with a 2 x 4 or pushing someone against the wall. It can be a pattern of being controlling and verbally and emotionally attacking the other, slowly creeping into the relationship.

If you have to question whether you are abusive, there's a good possibility you have a problem, if patterns have been formed.

Questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you make fun of your partner and excuse yourself by saying "it's just a joke" - even worse...get mad because they are hurt and don't understand your "joke"?

2. Do you try to isolate your partner from friends and family, possibly convincing them that you are the only one that loves them?

3. Do you place blame on your partner for everything you do wrong or everything that goes wrong around you?

4. Do you become verbally or physically volatile with trivial things? Does your temper flare up very easily?

5. Do you tell your partner what they can wear, where they can go, attempting to control their every move?

6. Do you use manipulation to get your way, possibly to the point of threatening bodily harm to them or yourself or threaten to break up?

7. Do you always have to have your way, unwilling to negotiate or show respect towards your partner's desires and feelings?

8. Do you downplay physical attacks? Do you tell your partner that you didn't mean to hit them or it wasn't THAT hard?

9. Do you try to force your partner into sex, alcohol, drugs or anything that they don't want to do?

10. Do you create an atmosphere that is so controlling your partner is afraid to be themselves?

11. Do you find yourself switching from the devil himself to Mr. Charming and full of "I'm sorry's" AFTER you've abused your partner?

12. Do you convince yourself that your partner is hard to please and nothing you do is good enough, when the fact is - you are mistreating them?

There are many underlying reasons a persoIt's difficult to face the "mirror" when you think there's a possibility you may be abusive. Abuse isn't always blatant...such as beating someone with a 2 x 4 or pushing someone against the wall. It can be a pattern of being controlling and verbally and emotionally attacking the other, slowly creeping into the relationship.

If you have to question whether you are abusive, there's a good possibility you have a problem, if patterns have been formed.

Questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you make fun of your partner and excuse yourself by saying "it's just a joke" - even worse...get mad because they are hurt and don't understand your "joke"?

2. Do you try to isolate your partner from friends and family, possibly convincing them that you are the only one that loves them?

3. Do you place blame on your partner for everything you do wrong or everything that goes wrong around you?

4. Do you become verbally or physically volatile with trivial things? Does your temper flare up very easily?

5. Do you tell your partner what they can wear, where they can go, attempting to control their every move?

6. Do you use manipulation to get your way, possibly to the point of threatening bodily harm to them or yourself or threaten to break up?

7. Do you always have to have your way, unwilling to negotiate or show respect towards your partner's desires and feelings?

8. Do you downplay physical attacks? Do you tell your partner that you didn't mean to hit them or it wasn't THAT hard?

9. Do you try to force your partner into sex, alcohol, drugs or anything that they don't want to do?

10. Do you create an atmosphere that is so controlling your partner is afraid to be themselves?

11. Do you find yourself switching from the devil himself to Mr. Charming and full of "I'm sorry's" AFTER you've abused your partner?

12. Do you convince yourself that your partner is hard to please and nothing you do is good enough, when the fact is - you are mistreating them?

There are many underlying reasons a person becomes abusive. The abuser gains false power by manipulating and mistreating their victims, feeling superior. This is a coward's way of gaining power. Maybe you have been a victim of abuse and are continuing the cycle by abusing others. Be the true hero and seek help and heal the wounds before you destroy yourself and those around you.

n becomes abusive. The abuser gains false power by manipulating and mistreating their victims, feeling superior. This is a coward's way of gaining power. Maybe you have been a victim of abuse and are continuing the cycle by abusing others. Be the true hero and seek help and heal the wounds before you destroy yourself and those around you.

Types of Men Women Should Avoid Marrying

2008-01-13T13:14:00.000-08:00

Marriage shouldn't be taken lightly. Careful thought should be given to the type of person you are considering spending the rest of your life with. Some issues can be worked out, but look at the type of man you are with and ask yourself...will the issues cause heartache in the long run? Sometimes it's best to walk away. Think first before saying "I do".

Types that are best to avoid marrying:

* A man that has an addiction such as drugs, alcohol, sex and is in denial or isn't dealing with it through constructive or professional help. His problems will become your problems. Your love, nor marriage, can fix him. Your good days will depend on him not "using".

* A womanizer - a man that is never satisfied with just one woman, but likes to gather a harem, even if only in thought. He's the type that thinks it's ok to stare women up and down while he's with you and is constantly thinking and talking about women, not just you. He may accuse you of being jealous or oversensitive, when the reality is...he's the one with a problem. He has no respect and his wandering eye won't be cured with marriage.

* A man that's emotionally unavailable. This will eventually drain you. You'll soon long for someone who is emotionally available and able to "give" in the way you need. You'll have an emptiness that this type will not be able to fill.

* The moocher - he's lazy and finds excuses not to work, but has no problem mooching off of your hard-earned income. He may be charming, but you'll soon catch on that he's in the marriage for his benefit and you aren't getting much out of it. You give and he continues to take.

* The volatile and mouthy man - he gets angry at the least little thing. He's rude to cashiers or other public helpers or maybe your friends and family. He doesn't care what he says. He often makes jokes at other's expense. This can be a sign that abuse might occur later on. At the very least, you'll walk on eggshells because of fear of getting him hyped up. Observe how he treats others because eventually he'll treat you and any children you should have, the same way.

* Unequally yoked - if your belief systems are vastly different, this will cause problems. Having similar belief systems is very important to help the marriage thrive in all aspects. Also, it's important to agree on whether to have children or not and similar views on how to raise them.

* A man that is married to his work - it's wonderful to have a man that is hardworking, but his first priority should be you and your marriage. If he doesn't have the willingness to put you first, don't marry him. Observe his focus and where he places his priorities. If you aren't on the top of the list now, chances are you won't be after you marry. There can be exceptions with those who are working their way up in their careers, but some are focused on their work to the exclusion of anyone and anything around them. You will have a lonely life with this type.

* A man that thinks of women as objects or maids, making demeaning remarks towards you or women in general. The way he talks is the way he'll treat you. You'll eventually feel less than human. You won't have a partner, you'll have a dictator.

* A man that doesn't stand tall in the face of adversity. If he's the type to run when things get rough, he may run from you. Do you want someone that will leave if you are faced with an illness, financial problems, etc. or do you want someone that will be by your side? Someone that can't face adversity is often the type that is always trying to find an escape, whether through drugs, alcohol, cheating, becoming distant from you and turning to other venues, etc. Observe closely how he reacts to various situations.

* The type that wants a body, a trophy wife and not the "person". He doesn't live in reality. He wants a fantasy. As we age, our bodies will change, even his! If he is so sensitive that 15 pounds will be a deal breaker, he'll also have a problem with your face as each new wrinkle appears and the parts that aren't in the same place 10 years into the marriage. Don't ever marry a man that makes you feel lesser than you are "as is". You deserve to be loved and appreciated for the person you are now and the person you will be, as you celebrate your 50th wedding anniversary.

There are always exceptions to the rules, but observe closely the type you are considering marrying. The right partner will enhance your life, not make you have deep regrets for being with them. To quote Robert C. Dodds..."The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together".

How to Seduce the Woman in Your Life

2008-01-13T12:57:00.000-08:00

Seducing the woman in your life shouldn't be about games or agendas, but genuine love and interest. Seduce the mind and heart and the body will follow. While women appreciate being physically desirable, most crave to be seen from the inside out. Expressing a genuine interest in "her", her feelings and thoughts is where seduction starts. The process of seduction should be slow, almost lyrical in build up - the last "line" leaving a lingering touch that makes you both long for the next time.

The Ways of Seduction

To seduce the woman in your life, you have to be in tune with what makes her tick, what works and what doesn't. She needs to know she is number one in your life. Your devotion is a seduction in itself.

Nothing draws me in more than having a glimpse into the soul by hearing someone sing to me or play the guitar or piano. You see a deeper part of the person that often isn't easily expressed through words. If you don't sing or play an instrument, put on a cd and show your romantic and sensual side as you slow dance.

Keep her in your daily thoughts. Knowing she is on your mind creates an intangible intimacy that longs for the tangible. Call to let her know she is on your mind. Leave notes with words of love or maybe a single rose on her pillow that speaks for itself.

Create mystery. Throughout the day give hugs and kisses, only a taste of what will come later. Paint the "vision" in her mind.

Friendship. Knowing my partner is my best friend, someone I can turn to and confide in, is very seductive. Be a best friend and your woman will be very appreciative.

Be confident, but not arrogant. Express a confidence that shows you have something wonderful to offer, something difficult to pass up.

Take care of your appearance. Showing you care about yourself shows you care about what she thinks. Try a new cologne or a new hairstyle. It adds a bit of intrigue.

Surprise her. Don't do the usual, but the unusual. Give her cards "just because". Cook a special candlelight dinner. Pamper her with a sensual massage. Help around the house. Seduction should be included in everyday life, in the simple things.

Be passionate about having her in your life. Be proud to introduce her to your friends and family. This brings her closer to you, naturally.

Humor. A good sense of humor is a huge plus to a woman. It shows a light-hearted and fun side.

Connect with a deep level of communication. Show your human side, your weaknesses, your willingness to open up your feelings. Show her who you are!

Be respectful, kind, supportive and loving in everyday life. Detachment kills any attempt at seduction.

What Doesn't Work

* Don't use tricks to seduce. Fake gestures are sensed strongly.
* Don't use corny lines. Women have heard them all. They aren't impressive.
* Don't go overboard with trying to impress. Be natural and be yourself.
* Make her your goal, not an agenda for what you can gain from her.

Seduction starts outside of the bedroom. The blessing of having a loving and genuine man, a best friend, in a woman's life needs no force, nor agendas to bring her closer to you. It's something that should come naturally and from a genuine place. Ignite the flame and keep it burning!

How to Catch a Cheater

2008-01-13T12:46:00.000-08:00

Nothing is more painful than the stab of suspicion your partner may be cheating. You have loved and stood by them through thick and thin. They are your other half, yet now you feel your world is being torn apart. Are your suspicions justified? Often instincts, that knot in your stomach, a deep sadness and restless nights are the first clues your partner is indeed, cheating. Our bodies often tell us something isn't right. Heed the warning, but do it constructively.

Signs that May Indicate Cheating

Becoming defensive - They are suddenly more irritable with you, possibly starting arguments. They may be trying to throw you off guard, making you feel you are doing something wrong to alleviate their guilt.

Distinct detachment - You suddenly feel very detached from your partner, as if in the presence of a stranger. You may feel you are on enemy grounds, walking on eggshells.

Change in intimacy - The cheater may become more neglectful of their partner or go overboard. They may become more adventurous, sexually. The loss of interest for intimacy could indicate your partner is being entertained elsewhere. On the other hand, pouring it on may be due to guilt.

Finances - The cheater often goes through more money than usual, buying gifts, paying for motel rooms, running up phone bills, etc.

Communication - Communication breaks down between you and your partner. They often have ready-made excuses that may even sound reasonable, but you know better. Your instincts tell you they are lying. Their excuses sound like scripts written to fit the scene.

Change in schedule - The cheater often changes their schedule, staying late for work, traveling out of town on business. They may use the excuse they need alone time because of stress at work or a need to pursue their own interests. They create new excuses as one gets redundant for getting out of the house. They may accuse you of being insensitive to their needs.

Lifestyle changes - The cheater often changes their lifestyle. They may start exercising and worrying about their diet, being more concerned with appearance. They may take up new interests, some which may rekindle a sense of youth.

Think Before Acting

Can you handle the truth? Are you prepared for the consequences of what you may find? Busting a cheater doesn't always mean they will be remorseful and beg forgiveness. Sometimes it means they are already prepared to leave the relationship. Think about what "you" will do should you find out your partner is cheating. Look at all angles.

Confrontation

You deserve the truth. Don't enable cheating by sweeping your suspicions under the rug. Being betrayed is bad enough, but there is concern that an STD may be contracted if your partner is cheating. Don't turn a blind eye, but don't attack either. If you don't have any concrete proof of your partner cheating, confront them calmly and from a loving heart. Open the lines of communication. An example, "honey, I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately and I need you to be honest with me about what you are going through". This is their opportunity to either come clean, to justify their reasons for odd behavior, which may not include cheating or to continue deception. Observe their body language. A liar has difficulty looking you in the eye. They are fidgety, scratching their head, face or shifting their body. Depending on their reaction, you'll see if you need to proceed further. Keep in mind...if your partner is cheating and is now aware of your suspicions they will adjust their behavior until your suspicions die down.

Uncovering the Truth

If the warning signs are still hovering, but your partner refuses to divulge the truth, I feel you have the right to investigate. You don't deserve to be deceived and have your life uprooted so unfairly. You don't deserve risking your life with an STD. It's very painful to resort to uncovering the truth yourself, but if your partner refuses to be truthful, your options are few. Confront again only when you have concrete proof.

* Monitor their coming and goings closely. Watch for patterns of days, times they come and go. Pay attention to unusual excuses to leave the house.

* Monitor computer usage. Check browsing history. Watch for patterns of deleting history. If you have nothing to hide, you hide nothing. Watch for pages being closed out if you enter the room.

* Monitor cell phone usage, if you have authorized access. Check logs online or on the statement. Pay attention to the phone being turned off more than usual when you try to call.

* Monitor mileage on the car. Is there excess mileage that isn't justified by the usual places your spouse goes?

* Verify paychecks (if you have authorized access) to see if "overtime" excuses are legitimate.

* Check credit card statements, receipts, check stubs for any unusual transactions (again, if you have authorized access).

* Show up at their work place unexpectedly to take them out to lunch. Affairs may take place during lunch breaks. Gauge their reaction to your surprise.

* Be the spy. Follow your partner. Have a friend to help you out.

* Hire a private investigator.

Cheating is About the Cheater

Cheating is a choice. It's about the cheater and a defect or weakness they possess. Don't allow excuses. If there were problems in your relationship, they had the responsibility to handle it maturely. Problems aren't fixed outside of a relationship. They are fixed inside of a relationship. We all make mistakes and no one is perfect, but no one "causes" a cheater to cheat. That's something they own. A cheater is seeking something they are lacking or to escape from something. Their neediness becomes priority over being faithful or trying to work problems out "together". You are not responsible for the decision a cheater makes. It's a wasteland they create.

Relationships can survive infidelity. Infidelity can be a wake-up call and a relationship can be rebuilt into something more beautiful than existed before. But, the desire and willingness has to come from both parties. Ultimately, the choice to stay or go is yours, but don't be hasty in your decision to leave. Give your emotions time to balance out and to be able to think more clearly. Seek guidance from a professional or clergy if needed.

Easiest Ways to Get Over an Ex

2007-12-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

A break-up is never easy and the more emotionally attached you were, the more difficult getting over the ex, can be.

Think of the relationship as one chapter in your life, not your whole life. You created memories with your ex and those memories are part of this chapter. You have many more chapters that lie ahead and opportunity to find someone who won't become an "ex".

Cherish the memories, but don't cling to something that wasn't meant to be or a relationship that wasn't healthy. Look at the relationship objectively. Don't embellish and try to hold on to what your relationship or your ex wasn't. See each for what they were. After a break-up, we often try to convince ourselves that the relationship or the person were more than the reality. Don't cling to what wasn't there. Don't create a fairy tale in your mind if the reality was a nightmare or facsimile thereof. You'll waste time and emotional energy by doing this.

An ex will stroll through your mind quite a bit for a while. Don't allow them to stay there to the point they consume you. Shift your thoughts to something positive. Think about the positive future you'll have without the negatives that were involved in your relationship.

There's controversy about whether ex's should have contact. I don't think it's good early on, but there may come a time when the pain lessens and you want to gain closure through each other. This is a personal decision. I highly suggest not becoming obsessive and making endless phone calls. If your ex tries to contact you and it becomes emotionally draining, don't be afraid to ask them not to call. Remember, you're trying to get over them, not rehash the pain.

Don't seek out a rebound relationship. More than likely you'll be reminded even more of your ex. Give time to rebuild your emotional state. You don't need to prove yourself by gaining conquests, sexual or otherwise.

Put mementos in a box and put it somewhere safe. You don't have to burn every card, every dried flower that your ex gave to you, but you don't need it as a reminder every moment of every day. If you ignite the torch too soon, out of pain and anger and burn the tangible memories, you may regret it later. Rid yourself of the tangibles only when you are in an emotional state to make a "final" decision. Personally, I want to look back on these mementos when I'm 80 years old. I'm sure they will be quite entertaining.

Talk to your friends or family about how you feel, but don't do this endlessly.

Writing a journal or even poetry is a good way to express your feelings and look back on how far you've come.

Treat yourself well. Eat healthy, exercise and take time to have fun. You have to face the pain of the break-up, but don't allow yourself to drown in it.

Don't seek revenge if you feel you've been wronged. You'll only look like a fool. Revenge is tempting, but more times than not, filled with regret. If your ex did you wrong, look at them with compassion. I know, that's very difficult, but they are losing you. They need someone to feel sorry for them (ha ha) and did you a favor because you are no longer with them.

Forgive! Forgive for yourself, to let go of the resentment, the bitterness and the pain. Forgiveness allows you to move on. It allows you to release something negative and move on to something positive.

Think of the positives with your new-found freedom...

-you have freedom to do what you want, when you want

-you have the choice to date new and hopefully, more suitable people

-you walk away with new lessons learned and stronger for the experience

-if you were miserable in the relationship, you are now free from the pain

Count your blessings, as appropriate!

Don't Take Relationships for Granted

2007-12-27T18:49:00.001-08:00

The term relationship isn't just that of a romantic nature. It can signify the bond between you and God, neighbors, friends, family, co-workers or even the cashier at the store you frequent. The common thread in any of these relationships is having a choice - to take it for granted or to nurture it and keep it thriving. It is a choice - period!

Not having time is probably the most widely used excuse for not nurturing a relationship. In reality, how much time does it take to show you care? If the relationship is truly meaningful, you find the time, you find a way. In my opinion, the quality you put into your relationships has everything to do with the quality of life you create for yourself and the quality of yourself that you give to others.

If you always think in terms of "me, me, me", your life will soon be full of regrets by taking everything and everyone around you for granted. People catch on and see how little effort you put into maintaining relationships until you may find yourself alone. Your endless excuses of being tired or not having time becomes a broken record. You put up a wall between yourself and those who would love to be part of your life. Besides, who are you to think that the person you take for granted, will keep being there for you endlessly, when it's only on your terms?

Taking others for granted also instills distrust and doubt. They never know where they truly stand with you because your actions don't show that they are a priority. Is this how you truly want to be seen?

Life brings surprises. The friend you meant to call or share time with, but didn't, might be listed in the obituaries, filling you with deep regret. Too late! - they can't hear your voice any more telling them what they meant to you. They left this world never really knowing because you didn't take the time to let them know. The wife that deeply yearned for your time and attention may be gone when you come home from work, having given up any attempts at getting you to see that you took her for granted.

Don't leave words unspoken. Don't leave lips parched while there's still a kiss to be shared. Grasp the chance while you still breathe and nurture every relationship. Each relationship makes up a piece to the puzzle that is - your life. It's up to you to find the missing pieces, recognize their value and never take the "gifts" that have been bestowed to you, for granted.

Good Communication & Genuine Interest

2007-12-27T18:49:00.000-08:00

When dating, pay close attention to how a person listens as well as talks. A person who always reverts a conversation back to themselves may be the selfish type, a person who you may find yourself in a one-sided relationship with later on. Look for signs early on and you may save yourself some heartache. These tips will hopefully give you understanding to how good of a communicator you are as well!

Have you ever felt like you're talking to a wall? Maybe even tempted to call 911, fearing the other person may be slipping into a coma? It's very frustrating to be talking or pouring your heart out, only for words to fall upon deaf ears. A good listener is truly a treasure. Good communication skills, which includes listening, binds people together more closely, whether in personal dating relationships, friendships or even business.

Good communication involves both the verbal and non-verbal aspects. Observe the listener in your life to see how they measure up. You don't need a magnifying glass to recognize the seasoned listener. Just look for some of these clues.

THEY STOP TALKING

A good listener stops talking, allowing you to fully communicate what you need to say. You've heard the phrase, "lend an ear"...? That's exactly what they do. They lend you their ear as long as you need it, without feeling burdened. Listening isn't just about hearing words, but absorbing what is being said and what the speaker feels.

BODY LANGUAGE

Body language is comfortable and expresses genuine interest - with nods of positive affirmation or a smile. Eyes aren't darting all over the room or watching a clock, but are focused on the speaker. Body language doesn't express boredom or aloofness. There should be some physical space between the listener and speaker, but close enough in proximity to offer a comfort level. A good listener doesn't fidget or act restless.

QUESTIONS and COMMENTS

They ask questions to gain clarity and understanding. These questions are very telling as to how well they have listened. They don't interact with lingo such as "huh", "oh", "is that right" or even worse..."duh". They ask questions with depth and significance, related to what you are saying. They make comments, adding their opinions and thoughts. They don't divert drastically from the topic, to talk about the weather or ask about your preference for boxers or briefs. They don't interrupt, but wait until it's appropriate to interact. They don't rudely cut you off by jumping in to have their say, but encourage you to continue.

EMPATHY and PATIENCE

A good listener doesn't have the "woe is me" syndrome. I'm sure you are familiar with those who bring every conversation back to themselves - for example: you are talking about your dog that just died and they jump in before you finish your sentence to tell about a dog they had twenty years ago. A good listener has empathy for what you are going through. They lay their woes aside, allowing your feelings and thoughts to be released. They put themselves in the other's shoes. It's fine for the listener to add their relative experiences, but it should be done appropriately and not take the focus off of the speaker. A good listener opens their heart and waits patiently for their turn!

DON'T ASSUME

Have you ever been interrupted by someone who assumes they know what you are going to say, yet it's far beyond what you were going to say? A good listener doesn't assume. They listen, absorb, clarify with questions and comments until they understand fully what you are saying. Communication can be totally misconstrued when assumptions are made.

Listening with undivided attention and genuine interest shows we care. Resentment and detachment builds when we feel we are not heard or our thoughts and feelings don't hold meaning to others. If you don't have the availability or have too much going on at a particular time, be honest with the person and let them know you want to set aside special time to listen. This is better than listening with half an ear.

An attentive and caring listener is rewarded. They are enlightened. They are respected. They help to create closer ties. To quote Sue Patton Thoele - "Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand." How true those words are!

How to Rid Yourself of Jealousy

2007-12-27T18:42:00.000-08:00

Most everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their life, but jealousy for some, can get out of control. It becomes a toxin to themselves and adversely affects their relationships.

In some cases we may "feel" jealous, but the reality could be that someone is manipulating us, deliberately trying to cause jealousy. While we may feel a "sense" of jealousy, the underlying issue may be that you are being treated disrespectfully and place the blame on yourself.

It's important to assess where your feelings are coming from. Are they derived from someone manipulating you? Or are they truly a matter of jealousy? If your partner talks about how hot everything that walks by is and you cringe, maybe it isn't jealousy, but a harsh reality that your partner isn't who you thought they were. This is a whole other issue to deal with!

If you are experiencing true jealousy, it comes from low self-esteem, fear, self-doubt and sometimes anger. This is something that resides within and there can be many triggers that brings it to surface. Become aware of what sets you off.

To banish jealousy you have to build yourself up to the point you don't feel "lesser". Stop comparing yourself to others and embrace your uniqueness. Be authentic to your feelings, your thoughts and who you are. The reality is - there will always be someone seemingly prettier, someone thinner, someone with a better home, a better car. But, they don't make you, who you are. You make you, who you are. Why waste your time with thoughts of what's going on in someone else's life? Their life may not be close to what you think it is. Create your own life with authenticity of who you are and get away from the comparison game.

When you feel the pangs of jealousy, communicate your feelings. If someone has said or did something to bring these feelings to surface, talk to them in order to gain understanding. What you feel may not be the reality of what is transpiring. Your imagination can go wild and cause your feelings of jealousy to increase. Jealousy, if left unattended, can consume you.

Ask yourself how being jealous is working for you. More than likely it's creating a gap between yourself and those you are trying to get close to. Understand your feelings. Are you afraid of losing someone or something? By not dealing with these feelings, the jealousy will only grow.

Build yourself up by having your own interests. Count your blessings instead of thinking about what you don't have. Acknowledge your accomplishments. If you don't like something about yourself, take action to make improvements.

Gain perspective. Jealousy does not equal love. Jealousy is not attractive. In fact, it becomes draining to yourself and those around you. Jealousy is not a healthy way of gaining what you want. Create the life and relationships you want based on the uniqueness that is YOU!

How to Get and Keep the Man You Want

2007-12-27T18:39:00.000-08:00

Getting what you want takes knowing what you want. You need a clear vision of what type of man will enhance your life. Think about the characteristics that are a must-have and those that are negotiable. You may be totally against being in a relationship with a man that isn't employed, but him not knowing how to read a map can be worked with. If you want children, you don't want a man that isn't child-friendly. You need to think, not only how this man will fit into your life now, but in the future and hopefully for a lifetime. If you want long-term, weed out "Mr. Right Now".

Work on your side before you step over to his. Get to know yourself. Be emotionally healthy and be the best YOU, before seeking a relationship. Once you are ready, here's some tips to get the man:

- get out of the "I have to have a relationship" mode. Do you want a relationship just to have a relationship or do you want to find a man that is right for you? Be patient and set standards and don't settle for less than you truly want.

- look for the type of man you want, in the type of places the type of man you want, would hang out. A tongue twister, no doubt, but it holds merit!

- groom yourself well, showing that you matter. While looks shouldn't be priority, they do often draw the initial attraction. Good grooming doesn't mean the most expensive clothes or dressed to the nines, but an overall appealing appearance.

- rely on more than your looks. Have something to say. Be a good listener. Ask questions. Be full of life and able to have fun. Be transparent with who you are, so that if a relationship develops, it's based on truth.

- don't try too hard. Dressing like a hooker won't help you find a long-term partner. Acting like one probably won't either. Be yourself!

- go slow! Desperation or rushing to get a result isn't attractive.

- be consistent, dependable and trustworthy. Don't leave reason for him to doubt you.

- don't invest too much time in someone you know isn't right for you. Move on to the next!

Once you've found your man, how do you keep him? Here's some tips:

- show appreciation and respect for who he is, his good qualities

- embrace the uniqueness of his masculinity

- communicate constructively and openly

- allow him space - don't be so clingy that you push him away

- be an active partner in the relationship

- show genuine interest in what interests him. You don't have to necessarily participate, but this is part of him and a part that holds value.

- place priority on making things right "between you", instead of having to be right

- nurture his needs and wants. Express your needs and wants to him. Don't manipulate or play games to get what you want!

- never take him or your relationship for granted!

- be his best friend, someone he feels the utmost comfort in turning to. Be supportive and encouraging.

- love him passionately in body, mind and spirit

May you find him, keep him and love him eternally!

Can Your Relationship Be Saved?

2007-12-27T18:34:00.000-08:00

If the flame that once burned brilliantly in your relationship is slowly fading to smoldering ashes, you may wonder if there's hope. Some stay in a relationship because of fear of not knowing what lies on the other side. There are those who feel the need to run when the road gets a bit bumpy, unable to deal with ebbs and flows. It's important to assess why the relationship is crumbling and if there is potential to reignite the flame. The mere fact that you are wondering if your relationship can be saved, is enough to warrant digging deep into your feelings.

REALITY

It's time for a reality check! Think about why you initially chose to be in a relationship with your partner. Maybe you acted impulsively without looking at whether they are right for you. Be wide awake to signs of abuse, cheating, lying, unfair mistreatment or unsolvable compatibility issues. As a teen, you are too young to put up with destructive behavior at the hands of another. It's essential for a good relationship to have a solid foundation. Otherwise, it breaks apart, piece by piece. If you see destructive behavior in your partner, say goodbye. Don't wait for them to change!

If the issues aren't a matter of abuse or destructive behavior, you need to understand where the problems lie. Two people play a role in the relationship, both having a responsibility to nurture its growth. Evaluate the problems and ask yourself if your investment in working on these problems will be worth the effort. What will you gain? What do you stand to lose? Do you genuinely like your partner and do they have what it takes to fulfill your needs? You have to know whether this person is right for you before you decide to salvage the relationship.

DESIRE

In order for a relationship to be salvaged, there has to be a genuine desire to do so. It takes desire from both parties. One person cannot create a relationship and will be drained by doing all the work. A healthy relationship nurtures both people. If the desire is there, an assessment is needed to find out the weaknesses and strengths and a willingness to work on solutions - then the ground work can be laid toward healing the wounds. Serious consideration should be given before ending a relationship if there are only trivial or irritating issues.

REPLENISH

Take a short break from each other, allowing time to replenish and tap into your honest feelings. In this space, you are able to have a clearer vision of your options. It also allows anger and resentment to dissipate so you can think rationally. Sometimes being together so much gets our emotions tangled to the point we don't trust our decisions. Give yourselves a breather before making a final decision. After you replenish, ask yourself if you've missed your partner and why or do you feel a sense of relief.

GETTING RID OF THE TRASH

If you can let go of resentments, anger and any power war that may exist between you and focus on a new beginning, there's a good chance for your relationship to grow. You have to be willing to stop old patterns that led you to this point. A new beginning cannot be created until the trash is taken out. You can't play the blame game and there has to be a potential for positive changes. You also have to look inward to see if you are unhappy with yourself or with the relationship. When we feel unhappy with ourselves, we are unhappy with everything around us.

A NEW BEGINNING

A new beginning has to be created. Both parties have to honestly and openly allow the other to know their needs; take responsibility for their role and make a commitment for moving into something better. You also have to look at the basic, but important aspects about a partner, that is conducive to a healthy relationship. If your partner is trustworthy, kind, enjoyable to be with, respectful, is compatible in most areas, allows you to be yourself, you have something to work with.

Being in a relationship can make us feel on top of the world or it can make us feel trapped in a deep, dark hole. What kind of relationship do you want? If you clearly see that your current relationship holds the potential for all you want and need, give it your best shot for a new beginning.

When One Wants to Break Up & the Other Doesn't

2007-12-27T18:21:00.000-08:00

A relationship shouldn't be taken for granted and ending one shouldn't be done hastily. All pros and cons should be looked at before making a final decision. One should always ask themselves..."is what you're running to, worth more than what you're leaving behind".

Never use manipulation to convince someone to stay in a relationship. They should be with you because they want to, not because they feel forced to stay. Be ready to offer good and justifiable reasons to state your case in a calm and open-minded atmosphere. You may not change their mind, but you have the right to express your feelings.

Reasons for staying

If you've been in a relationship for a good while, you've created a bond. Occasionally, this bond "feels" broken because of the ebbs and flows that transpire in any relationship. Sometimes a partner wants to bail out because they only want "in" when things are going well. Alternatives need to be looked at. Relationships are difficult to form in the first place. Finding someone new may not offer your partner nearly the depth of what they have in the relationship with you now. They should look before leaping. The grass is rarely greener on the other side. It's important to assess if you both can "fix" the relationship instead of ending it. Break-ups are often more difficult to deal with than fixing the core problems.

You've created memories together. You've shared the simple things in life and been together through the struggles. If you have a solid foundation, you have something to work with. Express these thoughts to your partner. Point out the good and allow them to express their feelings. Take them down memory lane and make sure they know you have deeply appreciated being with them and how much they mean to you. Lay your feelings out in a simple and meaningful manner. Don't beg, manipulate or be dramatic.

Find the problem

Delve deeply into the reasons your partner wants to leave. Lack of communication can cause tension. It can cause two people to drift apart, although the love may still exist. This can be fixed by learning to communicate effectively and learning to express love through your partner's language. Ask your partner what issues they have with you or for being in the relationship. Express your willingness to resolve any problems. Stay calm. Listen attentively and have empathy for their feelings. Allow them to express their feelings about the negatives. Don't attack. Don't get defensive. Listen with an open mind. Your partner may be right about some issues. Maybe there are problems that haven't been dealt with that you have contributed to. Be willing to look at yourself closely with truth. Be accountable and willing to compromise.

It's possible your partner simply is the type that always escapes from a relationship and doesn't have what it takes to be committed. You can't change them and will be better off with someone else in the future that won't bail out. It's also possible the negatives in your relationship went too far and your partner feels there is no turning back.

Look inside yourself

Ask yourself why you want your partner to stay. Do you truly want to be with them or are you feeling needy, afraid of being alone? Make sure your reasons for wanting them to stay are based on something solid, a genuine desire. Look into the future. Is this who you want to be with long-term? If not, it may be best to allow the relationship to end and open yourself to new experiences that will be more enduring.

If your partner is firm on leaving and they can leave without doubts, without regret, set them free. When you love someone, you don't hold them captive. You give them wings to fly. In time, your heart will heal and you'll find someone who will never want to leave you.

Romantic Birthday Gift Ideas for Him

2007-12-27T18:10:00.001-08:00

Romance isn't just for women. Men have a romantic side as well. He is sure to appreciate romantic gifts from the woman he loves. You can save another occasion for that power tool you had your eye on. This is his day and a great opportunity to show how special he is to you!

Romantic Birthday Gift Ideas

Upscale Restaurant - He's sure to feel very special and the center of attention. Be sure you request your table to be in a secluded corner with just the right lighting for atmosphere.

If he's more the simple type, a picnic in a romantic setting would work quite well during daytime or even better - under the spell of moon light.

Hot Air Balloon Ride - For something out of the ordinary, try a hot air balloon ride for two, with a bottle of champagne. That's sure to add a little romance to any birthday celebration and will be a treasured memory.

Cologne - His favorite cologne will let him know you pay attention to his likes, but can also get pheromones racing. It's a well known fact when a woman enjoys the way her man smells, it can induce and arouse amorous feelings in her as well. Something surely to be appreciated by any man.

Silk Pajamas - Men also enjoy the softness of silk on their skin, just as women do, which is one reason men request their lady wear silky lingerie. It feels good on his skin, being close to her. So why not get his very own silk jammies?

Weekend Getaway - A weekend getaway to a posh hotel, complete with romantic dinner for two and some tender pampering. This will certainly let him know how much you love him and bring romance into your relationship. If he's the outdoor type, renting a cabin in a rustic setting will surely set his heart on fire.

Homemade coupons - Coupons can be redeemable for a nice back massage or a luxurious bath after a long hard day of work. Light scented candles in the bathroom for a little ambiance and add drops of scented oil to the water as he enjoys a nice long soak. You may even want to join him! Coupons could be for anything. Let your imagination run wild!

Bottle of Expensive Wine - A bottle of wine when shared, can lead to a very pleasant birthday celebration together.

Flowers - Some men appreciate receiving flowers, although they may not be so ready to admit it. Many men enjoy a nice bouquet to brighten up their living space or as a fragrant reminder of "who" gave them to him.

Customized CD - A cd with his favorite songs can also be a great idea and something the two of you can share together. At the end of a day, put the music on and relax to some soothing sounds. Or, he can listen to the music while he is alone and it will conjure up romantic thoughts of you.

Tickets - Tickets to a concert or play can be a wonderful way to spend an evening together. If he isn't into this type of thing, tickets to a sporting event would be great.

Engraving - An engraved item, such as a watch or ID bracelet is an excellent personal gift. It will be a continuous and lasting reminder of your love each and every time he uses the item.

The ideas for romantic gifts are endless and will give him a birthday celebration he won't soon forget. Remember...his time spent with you is the best gift!

One-Night Stands: The Consequences

2007-12-27T18:08:00.001-08:00

There are those who purposely seek a one-night stand and there are those who seem to fall into one. Often alcohol is involved when one "falls" into a one-night stand.

What purpose does a one-night stand serve...other than instant gratification, maybe an ego boost? How gratifying can it be to expose, such an intimate part of one's self, with someone who could probably care less. How gratifying can sex with a stranger be when the consequences could be great. What deep needs does a person possess that allows them to settle for such a superficial and empty experience? My guess is that the sex isn't that great. A stranger won't know your body well enough to please it and certainly not enough to make up for the possible consequences of STD's, pregnancy, etc.

The stranger you choose to have a one-night stand with may be handsome or beautiful and possess great charm, but the fact is...they are a stranger. They may be someone's wife or husband, but lie about being married. They may be the one on the poster at your local post office. They may have had many one-night stands. Chances are, they didn't choose you because you are special, but because you are all too willing to give them what they want. How meaningful is this one-night stand in comparison to your self-respect and safety?

You may also like to read:

Don't Get Involved with a Fatal Attraction

Is Your Man Really Interested in You?

Blind Dates: Try the Less Pressure Approach

2007-12-27T16:49:00.000-08:00

When planning a blind date, go for drinks or lunch instead of a multiple course meal and movies. This takes the pressure off of having to stay longer than you feel comfortable. It gives you a glimpse into the other person and if all goes well you can both decide to expand the date or go for a 2nd date that will last longer.

Blind Dates: Say YES!

2007-12-27T16:26:00.000-08:00

When someone offers to set you up on a blind date, say yes. Even though many blind dates don't turn out to be your ideal image of a person you would want to be in a relationship with, saying yes broadens your chances of meeting the "right one". You also get a reputation of being a nice and friendly person as opposed to someone who is too picky.

But, never go out on a blind date if you have good reason to feel threatened or uncomfortable. Never compromise your safety or well-being. Otherwise, have fun and enjoy the experiences!

Signs Your Boyfriend May Be a Loser

2007-12-27T14:53:00.000-08:00

One of the first signs to look at, to determine if your boyfriend is a loser, is to examine your reactions by being with him. Are you constantly on edge? Afraid to be yourself? Have you developed anxiety or physical symptoms since being with him? Do you feel used or feel the relationship is one-sided? Do you often feel the need to escape, but aren't sure why? Maybe your boyfriend is a loser and toxic to your life, your well-being.

Some signs to look for:

1. Did he attach himself very soon? Losers often attach themselves early on and have no idea how to "develop" healthy relationships. The loser wants something quick and often gets out of the relationship just as quickly, when they find someone else that suits their agenda, better. While their words may appear they are committed, they don't have the emotional maturity to commit.

2. Does he make fun of you and pass it off as "just a joke"? Losers like to feel superior by cutting others down. Someone that truly loves you and is emotionally healthy, won't feel the need to cut you or anyone else down.

3. Does he try to isolate you? A loser wants you for his own and doesn't want anyone or anything getting in the way of his needs. His focus is on his needs, not your happiness.

4. Would he rather collect a government check or unemployment instead of working? Very well might be a sign of a mooch - someone that doesn't take pride in earning what they receive. He'll mooch off of you as long as you allow it.

5. Does he refuse to meet your friends or family? That isn't fair to you. He'll drive a wedge between you and those you love and that's his purpose. He doesn't want anyone to interfere. A good partner wants to be part of your life, not separate you from the life you've always known.

6. Is his idea of quality entertainment in the form of drugs or alcohol? A loser often uses these crutches because they've never learned how to enjoy life without them. He'll be married to the bottle or drugs long before he's married to you.

7. Does he blame you, the world for everything that goes wrong in his life? He can't accept responsibility and it's easier to lay the blame elsewhere instead of looking in the mirror to see his own reflection.

8. Does he always have to have his way and never willing to negotiate? This doesn't make a good partner and you'll always be short-changed. He'll keep gaining while you keep losing until you are drained.

9. Does he spend more time on the computer or other activities than he spends with you? A loser doesn't place you first. His priority will be elsewhere and you'll always feel 2nd best, if that.

10. Does he make promises he doesn't keep? Of course he does because he's a loser and rarely backs up his words with action. Honesty isn't part of his vocabulary because his life is built around deceit, manipulation and his wants and needs.

11. Does he put other women's physical appearance on a pedestal while making you feel like the ugliest person in the world? He lives in a fantasy world and probably couldn't get any of the women he talks about, but in the process doesn't cherish what he has - YOU! He thinks the grass is greener on the other side and often steps to that other side while leaving you behind.

12. Do you find yourself turning to friends or family when in need of support? A boyfriend should be there for you, but a loser is the last person you feel comfortable going to when you need support, comfort and understanding. He doesn't know how to give. He takes.

13. Is he secretive? Does he hide his going-ons from you or do you catch him in lies? An emotionally healthy and honest person doesn't feel the need to hide things and especially from someone they are in a relationship with. They are an open book, transparent, so that the relationship, your feelings towards him, are built on truth, not a lie.

14. Does he often compare you to his mother or other females that he's been involved with? Do you often hear comments that your cooking or whatever is never as good as his mother's? Do you hear that his ex-girlfriends were better at everything than you are? Maybe he needs to go back to his mother or his ex's. He's with you and that should be his focus. A loser often lives in the past so much that he doesn't allow himself or you to live in the present.

If your boyfriend is a loser, think hard about why you allow yourself to settle for someone who brings so little into your life when you could have someone that greatly enhances your life.

What attracts an older woman to a younger man?

2007-12-26T20:13:00.000-08:00

It isn't "just" for sex!

For some women, they like the energy of a younger man, sexually and otherwise. A younger man may be more adventurous and out-going and want to do more things, while a man her age may be stuck in a rut. The younger man may have less baggage and less bitterness toward life.

Younger men tend to give an older woman attention, respect and admiration for who she is and what she's achieved. They recognize and appreciate her experiences in life. They like her confidence and her mature attitude. They may have had experience with women their age that tend to be fickle. A young, yet mature man loves an older women he can connect with on every level and this makes her feel very special and valued.

There's also the older woman who fears aging and by being with a younger man, she feels she's recapturing part of her youth.

The reasons can vary with each individual, but it isn't always about wanting a "boy toy".

Why Do Older Men Like Younger Women?

2007-12-26T20:12:00.000-08:00

I have male friends who only want to date younger women. I've asked them what their reasons are. Here is what they told me...

A younger woman makes them feel more youthful, while boosting their ego. They begin to fear aging and being with someone their own age makes them more aware of just how old they are. Looks is a big factor in wanting someone younger, says the men.

For some, they never reached a maturity level where they feel confident with someone their own age. The younger woman tends to be less serious, thus not putting as much emphasis on the man's maturity level.

An energetic, older man likes the youthful energy of a younger woman. He may like her carefree ways that takes him away from the daily stresses.

Some men want a younger women who can still have children. Women their age may no longer want more children or may be past child-bearing age. They want someone who can have children and also the energy it takes to raise children.

I'm sure the reasons can vary with each individual.

First Dates: Do's & Don'ts

2007-12-10T19:35:00.000-08:00

Dating can be a positive or a negative experience. Assuming you want a second date, here are some tips that hopefully will help you be a success on your first date...

Don't have sex! - As much as you may be tempted, you don't know this person well. Having sex on the first date may be a matter of setting yourself up for feeling used, if you don't get the second date. Your date may wonder if you have sex on every "first date". Act responsibly for your safety and emotional well-being. Having sex can never make up for catching an STD or unplanned pregnancy or going against your core beliefs.

Think "simple" - lunch or an afternoon picnic in the park is a more casual way to get to know someone. A walk along the beach would be great. Movies are enjoyable, but don't offer a conducive atmosphere to talk.

Dress to "express" - Wear clothes that express who you genuinely are and how you want to be perceived.

Leave the ex's out - Don't complain about your ex. The ex is your past and your date could be your future. Your focus should be on your date.

No wandering eyes - For goodness sakes, don't let your eyes stay glued to the buxom blond or the hot stud. That's rude! It doesn't instill much trust that you would be faithful in a relationship.

Communicate well - Be interactive in conversation. Ask questions and show genuine interest in your date, but don't ask so many questions that they feel they are being interrogated. Let the conversation flow, naturally.

Who pays? - If you're female, be willing and prepared to pay your part for the date, but graciously accept if the man chooses to pay.

Don't answer - Don't answer your cell phone unless it's an emergency. Your time should be spent with your date.

Use manners - Thank your date for the time they shared with you. Compliment them, but don't go overboard to the point of kissing butt. You want to be authentic, not come across as a player.

Be honest - Don't tell your date you will call if you don't have intentions on doing so. Be honest, if there's a reason you don't want a second date, but be tactful and kind.

Keep a clear head: Abstain from alcohol or at the very least, limit the amount you drink. It's important to stay in control and be clear-minded. Not to mention...it would be rather embarrassing if your date has to carry you to your door.

You may also like to read:

How to Deal with Bad First Impressions

The Meaning of Attached or Unattached

Salvaging a Blind Date

2007-12-10T18:21:00.001-08:00

Friends have the best of intentions. Everything they described about your blind date seemed to fit you perfectly. You were excited for the night and dressed in your finest attire. You always believed your friend knew you well...until!

First impressions are important. They give a clue to whether the person is your type. You've met your blind date at a restaurant and your immediate reaction tells you to run. You wonder how they shrunk a foot in height, grew three feet wider and changed their hair color since your friend described them. Let's not forget that snorting sound that comes out with every laugh. What can you do?

Remember - blind dates are people, too. They have feelings and desires the same as you. Not everyone will fulfill your requirements, but you can have a night of light-hearted fun. You won't feel the need to impress. You can be yourself and in the process you may find this person offers a night of amusement that you haven't had in ages. Too much emphasis is placed on expectations when dating. What's wrong with simply socializing with people of varying types? It's a date, not a marriage proposal!

Don't have friends call your cell phone or pager to get you out of the date. Your date may not be your type, but they probably have enough intelligence to catch on to your cheesy tactics to leave the scene. It's only a couple of hours and surely you have enough tolerance to get through without making yourself look like a jerk.

Think: HUMOR! Humor goes a long way in going from a deal breaker to an evening of actual enjoyment. How many times do we go out with the hottie and feel so pressured to impress that we don't genuinely enjoy ourselves? Your blind date is the perfect person for you to feel laid back with and tap into your patience and value someone who you perceive to be "outside" of your box. While this person may not be your Mr. or Mrs. Right, they may become a good and caring friend. At the very least, you've had a new experience and something interesting to write in your journal about.

Don't be rude! That's a reflection of you, not your date. It's not impressive to act as if you are so above your date that you can't spend a couple hours with them in a casual setting. I'm sure you have friends that aren't favorable in the looks area or have some irritating habits, yet you treat them nice. Do the same with your blind date. Treat them as you want to be treated.

I once introduced someone to a friend of mine. He took one look at her and literally wouldn't speak beyond "hello". I was embarrassed. She clearly knew he wasn't interested. She was attractive, but heavy set and instead of him treating her like she was human, he was obvious about his disinterest. This backfired because I no longer introduce him to anyone and he's been single for years! He turned the night into a disaster because his expectations were too high. He couldn't simply enjoy spending time with a new person unless they were his ideal image!

If your date is obnoxious, rude or causes you to feel endangered, by all means feel free to leave. Otherwise, be respectful that this person took time to meet you. Be honest and don't give false hope that a relationship will transpire, but be tactful.

Blind dates have received a bad reputation, but only because we expect so much from them. While we all have deal breakers, we should give the person a chance for a simple and casual shared experience. Treat people as you want to be treated and one day a blind date may be your perfect match!

First Date: Think Simple

2007-12-10T18:20:00.001-08:00

Some feel pressured to go all out on a first date, often defeating the purpose of truly enjoying the date. Keep a limit for a first date by doing something within a one - two hour period of time. Having a cup of coffee or tea together or a walk in the park is a great idea. Either sets a comfortable atmosphere conducive to talking and getting to know each other.

How do you lose a guy in 10 days?

2007-12-10T18:19:00.004-08:00

Girty asks...

How do you lose a guy in 10 days?

Girty, I could come up with a lot of ideas, such as not wearing deodorant and stinking so bad he wouldn't want to be around you lol or telling him you are really an alien from outer space, but in the end it would be better to be honest with a guy you don't want to be with.

By being honest, you show respect to the guy and toward yourself. You walk away with dignity. He may be hurt, but he would hurt worse by knowing you stayed out of obligation.

Identifying a Player

2007-12-10T18:19:00.003-08:00

There are players and then there are players. Some are good at their game. Some are blatantly obvious about their game and are easy to weed out. The "professionals" can draw you in very convincingly.

Remember that a player is out for themselves. They use manipulation and games to get what they want, even if the methods come across as kind and attentive. The player often makes you feel that you are the most wonderful person they've ever met, more so in words than actions. No one before you has come close to being their perfect match. They'll point out how your eyes sparkle under the moonlight; how soothing your voice is - the things that melt your heart. What they generally lack is constructive conversation in genuinely getting to know you.

A player often makes big promises, but has many excuses for not coming through. The excuses may even seem legitimate at times, until you realize the excuses become a habit. Sometimes they build their game up so high that they can't even keep up. Watch for signs such as refusing to give a phone number, not calling at certain times or only being available on certain days. The player may be married or in a relationship. The player tends to move fast. If they talk too serious too soon, they very well may be a player.

Even though a player may seem like the giving type at first, you'll soon find you are doing all the giving. A player is often vague about their life, their going-ons. They evade questions and often change the subject. They may even try to convince you that mystery is a good thing. They may avoid conversations about major life experiences because they want to get down to their agenda. They don't want to waste time with anything of substance.

A player often keeps you away from their friends, their home. They want to be on your turf because they are stealing from your life, not wanting to include you in theirs. In the presence of a player, you'll feel that something is missing. Even though their words are enchanting, something feels off.

Don't be drawn in by charm and pretty words. Use logic and don't make excuses for someone when there are none. Don't settle for a game when you deserve someone real. Pay attention to the red flags and say NEXT!

Why Cheating Happens

2007-12-10T18:18:00.001-08:00

Whether dating or in a marriage, the dynamics in a relationship are created between two people. Both or either parties may bring negative aspects into the relationship that cause it to erode. No one is perfect, in or out of a relationship, but the cheater is solely responsible for making the decision to cheat.

The cheater may not be unhappy with the relationship at all. With others, there is obvious signs of relationship distress. Why does unfaithfulness occur in either? My belief is that there's something missing within the individual - something that's never been corrected or something new that has surfaced.

From insight and observation towards those I know who have cheated, most have low self-esteem, the dire need for attention, the need for acceptance, a sexual addiction or use cheating as a form of escape.

We can combine low self-esteem, the need for attention and acceptance into one category. No matter how well the cheater's partner treats them, no matter how good the relationship is, they need a larger "audience" to boost their ego. This is a very false boost, but the cheater doesn't realize that until he/she is left even more empty by cheating. Sometimes they escape this emptiness by finding another and yet another, "flavor of the week" to cheat with.

It becomes a vicious cycle for some in order to have that constant boost. This type hasn't developed a healthy sense of "self", nor a firm belief system upon which to stand through all decisions in life. More than likely this ground work was set up early in life. They have issues that have never been corrected and unfortunately they overlapped into the relationship in the form of cheating. Some may seek acceptance and attention because of never having had it from a parent. Even though the partner loves and accepts them in every way, they are still haunted by the past and forever searching to fill that internal hole.

Then there is the sex addict. Just like a drug addict, the sex addict isn't thinking about the destructive consequences to themselves or others. Their focus is driven by the addiction. The sex addict may not have shown any signs before the relationship, but little by little the signs are noticed. The signs may be seemingly small at first such as closing out web pages when their partner comes into the room - a possible sign they view porn and feel the need to hide it. They may go out of their way to hide masturbation from their partner. They often have a secret life that their partner doesn't know about until the signs start to add up. The knowledge that a person is living with a sex addict can be very painful. The partner is often cast away while the addict chooses venues elsewhere.

Enters the escapee...when a person can't deal with reality very well, they often escape by cheating. Just like some people escape to drugs or alcohol, some escape by playing in the fantasy world. It may be due to stress from work, family or internal unhappiness. Instead of analyzing the root of their problem, they seek a quick "fix" by cheating. They feel better. They escape, at least for a moment, into a world that feels good, instead of dealing with reality. Sometimes it's a matter of escaping themselves. They hate themselves so they seek "something" that will make them feel better, temporarily.

There are those who say that a cheater seeks what they are lacking from their partner. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "if you keep your partner happy at home, they won't cheat". I don't buy into this because if a person is unhappy, they have the responsibility to work it out with their partner. You don't enhance a relationship by going outside of the relationship. You enhance it by being mature and respectful enough to work on it inside of the relationship. The cheater is the one who makes the decision to cheat. It's a choice they own - period.

If you notice, most cheaters don't upgrade from their partner, with those they are cheating with. I believe this is because they gravitate towards those they feel in alignment with. They hate themselves and they find someone they feel an equal to.

Problems can be brought into the relationship by both parties, but the cheater owns the decision to cheat. They also own the opportunity to fix whatever issues lie within themselves or the relationship.